What matters more: The place or the person?

At some point in our lives, we have come across this question, directly or implicitly; what is more important, the place or the person? Now you would’ve probably grabbed an option in your mind and if you haven’t, voila! You have one of the most unbiased, rare minds out there! So, hang on to the answer you have in mind. It wasn’t pretty easy to choose right? Or was it?

Let’s try to look at things as analytically as we can. Beginning with an ideal case: You are planning to visit a place that you’ve always wanted to, say the Eiffel Tower. The weather is sunny but not too hot and you have your best friend as your company. There is no discussion here. All seems like a dream (and probably is!). The place and the people, both have won.

Now let’s get back to reality. Mostly, coming to a consensus for visiting a place with the people you want to is an arduous task, to say the least. Sometimes their schedules don’t match yours, sometimes they are far too away from you or they simply aren’t as enthusiastic as you to visit that place. Well, the same goes for you, maybe you aren’t as interested in visiting the place as your people. It is right here; the question begins to raise its head…

Would I go to ‘the place’ with ‘others’? Or should I go to ‘a place’ with ‘my people’?

Hmm… the answer. Compromises aren’t simple.

Let’s try looking up some scenarios. For this discussion let’s also remove the option of ‘going solo’ as it is not aligned with the questions we have. It’s a landmark place we are talking about, the one you’ve always wanted to visit since your childhood. Maybe it is one of the seven wonders of the world or just someplace that has made a special place in your heart and now visiting it is one of your life goals. In this case, of course, you’d prefer a close one with you, but even if it means swapping them with ‘others’ for this one trip; I am sure you’d not resist a lot. The place has dominated over the person in this case.

Now maybe it’s a place you wish to visit; not an absolute epic but still a good one. It seems like who accompanies you matters significantly more now. Now let’s add more parameters to the equation. The weather is poor, probably heavy rains or cold but you still set out. Does the company matter now? Damn yes it does, right? By this point, you’ve probably realized that the prime motive you are setting out is no longer the place but the person!

In the end, the answer lies within our brains. The meaning that we have attached to a place or a person. If your meaning attached to a place is greater than the people you are with, then naturally the place appeals to you more. On the other hand, if the meaning attached to a person becomes greater than the place, the most ordinary parks in the harshest weathers won’t hamper your motivations to meet the person.

What this also implies is that the answer has to do with the approach we set out with. When we set out to ‘visit a place’; the emphasis is more on finding all the cues ‘to get to the place’ and make required compromises with the people we are with. Similarly, when we set out to ‘meet the person’; we make all the efforts to negate the significance of a place.

But one has to acknowledge that for our brains, classifying it into two is not an easy task.  It is right here where the question takes its birth. And this very classification is subjective. Where you might draw a line for the meaning, another person would not even begin.

What is my experience with it?

When I look back in the past, I’ve visited a few places and met some people. There have been times when I went out to visit a place compromising on my companions. Instead of enjoying the trip and the place, I spent more time making myself comfortable with my ‘fellow travellers’.

And there also have been times when I decidedly met the people, I wanted to meet even at a roadside kiosk. And the memories I have relished the most are the times I spent with the people. But my preference was not quite obvious to me! It was only when I met people in the wildest weathers, wading through mud and wearing not the most suiting clothes; I realized that the places I visited or the conditions or the place itself were less relevant than the people I was with. This pretty much reminds me of the famous psychiatrist Carl Jung’s quote: ‘There is no coming to consciousness without pain’.

What do you think about it? What weighs more for you; the place or the person? Perhaps you can share your opinions in the comments!