Why me!? : Arthur Ashe

How often do we exclaim “Why me!?” The last quarter of 2021 has already begun and I am sure at some point in your life this year, you were so overwhelmed that you couldn’t help but ask “Why me? Oh God, why always me!”

Everyone in your friend’s circle and close ones seem to be doing well in one or many aspects of their lives. Some of them seem to be doing great progress in their academics while you are struggling with the subjects. Another friend of yours has got an opportunity or a job to advance his career but you are facing rejections.

You are having troubles with your family lately but most of your friends look to be living a peaceful, harmonious life. Your closest friends have found the love of their lives and look cheerful than ever before and here you are, gloomy, rejected and lonely.

The list goes on but I am sure, you have been through one of these and cried “Why me!?”

But if it happens with everyone, then why does it still feel that only you are the unlucky one? Let’s dive in, but first, let’s revisit one of the most inspiring tales in the context of “Why me!?”

The amazing story of Arthur Ashe

Arthur Ashe, an American Tennis player had won 3 Grand slams and at one point in his career even ranked World No. 1. He was the very definition of success until the end of his Tennis career. However, while undergoing a blood transfusion for his heart bypass surgery, he, unfortunately, contracted HIV.

And as it happens with HIV-AIDS his health steadily declined. His fans couldn’t help but write letters of affection to him. One of the letters read:

“Why you Arthur? Haven’t you asked God, why did he have to select you for such a horrible disease? Have you never asked God, why me?”

– A fan to Arthur Ashe

To which Arthur Ashe replied:

“50 million children started playing tennis, 5 million learnt to play tennis, 500,000 learnt professional tennis, 50 thousand came to the circuit, 5 thousand reached Grand Slam, 50 reached Wimbledon, 4 reached semifinals, 2 reached finals and when I was holding the cup in my hands, I never asked God, ‘Why me?’. So now that I am in pain how can I ask God, ‘Why me?’”

– Arthur Ashe

Arthur Ashe’s reply answers the question better than any explanation could. Even with the terminal disease, he had the vision and the gratitude to see it all.

The cogent approach

We humans have evolved with the tendency to look for the negatives many times seriously than the positives. And don’t get me wrong, it’s a boon and not a bane. If our ancestors hadn’t taken the danger of being eaten by wild beasts seriously and had kept a passive hope that the beast won’t turn up this time, we would have required many more million years to evolve to what we are today.

This trait is the underlying thought process that makes us focus heavily on the negatives. And it still serves us. It makes us aware of the red flags, sends a spark of consciousness down our spines and tries to keep us in a protective shell. So completely ruling out this trait would be foolishness.

But at the same time, it also obscures you from some facts that make the situation seem superficially much worse than it is. Yes, maybe you are lonelier today than all your friends, but maybe some of them is struggling terribly to get their academics together.

You are getting rejections for your job applications or fumbling up in interviews, but maybe that ‘successful friend’ of yours has endless family problems that you don’t have to face. You have relationship issues to deal with but that friend of yours who has perfect physical strength and career has not even a relationship, to begin with!

A friend of yours has lost their father or mother recently but you feel, you are the unfortunate one to have ‘difficult parents.’

There is wisdom in acknowledging the good you have and the things you have figured out in life. While the negatives are indicative of the absence of something that needs your attention. Most of the time, it can be something that you can’t change immediately. But with patience over time, the situation can get better if consistent efforts are taken towards it.

And of course, sometimes you just cannot change a situation, like Arthur Ashe, who couldn’t change his terminal fate. In these circumstances, this wisdom of gratitude can provide the best possible cure in the time you get to live!

So the next time you find yourself asking “Why me?”, just remember Arthur Ashe’s response and be rest assured of soothing your pain away!