When my eyes taught me a lesson…

I was trying hard to figure out the equation on the projector screen in my control engineering class. The professor was playing an interesting video in the lecture hall, and the other lights in the hall were dimmed. Typical movie stuff that. The reason I was struggling to even read the equation on the screen was that my eyes were teary and that made everything blurry. Now even though I tend to weigh a little bit more on the emotional side, those equations were far from making me emotional. Well, who would? Unless maybe one is writing exams! I dismissed it quickly believing that it was a temporary strain and maybe a tough day for my eyes.

The next day in another class and the same evening in front of my laptop. Now my typical trait was to ignore blatantly that something needed attention, especially when it was to do with me. This went on for a week and also the exams were fast approaching the coming week. I finally made up my mind and decided to visit the doctor at once. The doctor called it off as plain dryness of eyes and I needed to hydrate them and prescribed me some eye drops. Fair enough. I did so obediently and felt that it was working, Perhaps, a placebo effect. But the convincing didn’t seem to work and the peace short-lived. The beloved Covid-19 pandemic soon hit and the university authorities were quick to declare the upcoming summer semester as a digital semester.

The situation quickly worsened. All-time in front of the screen for all the subjects meant even the ‘normal’ eyes suffered. I wept a lot again without being emotional. The prospects of watching a movie in the home theatres or even on my laptop seemed far-fetched. I couldn’t watch even the lecture videos at one go for more than 20 minutes and I barely managed to scrap through the summer semester with the same condition and immediately booked an appointment with the doctor. I was hoping for the magic drug.

The day of the appointment arrived. I was confident that it would be my last day of suffering. The doctor did an inspection of my eyes yet again. But something changed this time.

“There is nothing that I can see wrong in your eyes.”

“But it hurts much more than ever before, I can’t even look at my laptop screen for 15 minutes straight! That is not normal. There could be some changes in the medication or something that I can do?”

“If I can’t see anything, I can’t prescribe anything. So, nothing can be done from my side and it will stay as it is. Just take care of yourself.”

I returned home without saying a word other than a habitual “Thank you”. I sat down at my desk and talked with no one for an hour, pondering over what had happened and speculating what it implied. In today’s world, what doesn’t require working with computers or other digital screens? Especially for a person looking forward to working in the technical field? Suddenly everything seemed shattered and my mind started generating really dismal thoughts,

“Why me? I never played video games the whole night or finished a TV series in one night, unlike some of my friends who do it 2-3 times a week? I generally stick to my schedule, I don’t mess with my sleep and give myself enough rest, yet why me? If only it was possible to trade-off some other part of my body for my eyes! Perhaps I don’t need some of my toes and fingers…”

Suddenly my phone rang and it was my friend who knew I was seeing the ophthalmologist that day. I poured out the entire saga and then received the most genuine advice from my friend at that moment. ‘Why don’t you take another doctor’s opinion?’

Well, honestly, I was quite hopeless at that moment but good heavens, I decided to make an appointment with a different ophthalmologist. This doctor’s analysis was pretty much the same but yet there was a difference. She explained to me that some glands in my eyes didn’t produce enough water as they should and thus, I have to hydrate them with an eye drop having a high percentage of hyaluronic acid in it. And prescribed an eye-drop accordingly.

I was still in the mode: ‘Meh, another eye drop.’ But there was enough pain endured by me to not take that advice. I diligently followed up and started using the eye drops 5 times a day, as prescribed. Within the first week, I started noticing the results. I was able to watch the lecture video of 50 minutes without a pause! I felt reborn!

Gradually, as the weeks passed, the situation got even better. I never missed a time to use the eyedrops. I watched my first 3-hr movie after a long time! Soon enough, working on my project I clocked 5 hours of continuous programming on my laptop. A complete turnaround! However, something had changed within me. I was ecstatic but I was humble. I had learnt a very important lesson for my life; making optimum use of limitations. I accepted that my eyes have certain limitations and it’s my responsibility to work with them.

Nothing is unlimited, work with what you have. And the second lesson: Don’t lose faith.  Accepting your limitations doesn’t make you weak, rather accepting and learning to get the job done without losing faith is quite a handsome recipe for creating magic. I needed the experiences with both the doctors. One to knock down my ego and open doors for understanding the value of acceptance and the other to have faith and not to give up trying. In all fairness, my eyes made me a person with a stronger character and a wiser version of myself.

I am sure, right now few thoughts are occupying a large space in your mind. The thoughts that pop the questions, ‘Why me? Why only with me?’ within you. In the hindsight, you will observe that these are the same questions that are perhaps knocking on your doors for introspection. We are in certain ways limited but so are we gifted in some other ways. But the question that you should persist with is, ‘Are you making the most of what you have in control?’

When I look around, I see the people persisting despite having an incurable disease or physically disabled, then those who are brilliantly gifted but born in hard circumstances, those with no gift at all and yet taking on more responsibilities than an average bloke. They are all severely limited but they are still carving their way slowly but faithfully. I call them ‘the strong people’.

I am sure that you realise that you are grateful in some regard as well as have your own set of limitations in another. How are you planning to get around it? Are you willing to create your own magic?